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About Deviant Member rattyredemptionMale/United Kingdom Groups :iconbuddhist-club: Buddhist-Club
 
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update: nov 13: something wonderful happened today.

my main social worker drove me to his office for the first time, on the outskirts of the city where i live. where i met his business partner, who was very cool. but the best part is he had a collie dog, which i played with in the office, for over an hour.

i've always loved animals but sadly the last few apartments i've lived in didn't allow any pets. and considering i've suffered from agoraphobia for several years, so hardly went outside until recently, this is the first time during that entire period, that i've even seen an animal up close, let alone being able to pet one.

and apparently we can visit their office and the dog, quite frequently. yay.

also they are trying to find me an apartment that will let me have caged animals like gerbils or hamsters, that i always used to have one or two in the past.

yes, i know, ideally no animals shouldn't be kept in cages. but it's just too risky letting gerbils, who will gnaw through electrical cables etc, have free reign. so i will need to keep them caged. but that aside, i can give them lots of love and attention.

i've tried using hamster balls in the past, so they could roll around on the floor, but i realized my gerbils become more stressed being locked inside those, even for short periods, than being in their large cages.

some of my previous gerbils lived to 4 1/2 years old, so i do have considerable experience with them.

anyway, it's times like this that make me glad that i'm alive. and i even have the spare energy and motivation to do some blender work today.

update nov 11: ratty is still struggling with real life hardships, although there have been some minor improvements.

hi guys, i'm not really well enough yet to fully return to da, and probably won't be until after my social workers have found me somewhere better to live. it's a slow process, but there is some light at the end of the tunnel, thanks to their hard work.

i'm trying to deal with each day as it comes, and if able to, i'm getting a little of my blender work done. not much compared to 80 hour weeks i used to work, but it's better than nothing.

most of my energy is being used up meeting my social workers, who are kindly helping me fill in tens of pages of complex forms, and us trying to find landlords and property managers who don't discriminate against disabled people, or people on government benefits.

it's taking a lot out of me, and that's on top of the continued problems i have with the apartment i currently live in, which i was meant to have moved out of weeks ago. thankfully the property managers of this place are letting me stay until i can find somewhere else.

to be honest, it's so run down, i think they are just relieved anyone wants to pay them to live here. if i knew what it was going to be like, i'd have never signed up with them in the first place, especially considering the extortionate amount they charge.

on a more positive note, i've been able to go for a few walks on my on own, for the first time in years, around the neighborhood. thanks mainly to my dear friend rabbit, and my social workers, easing me into going outside again.

however, it's difficult to identify nowadays with how independent and confident i used to be before the burglaries, and yes that is plural... the worst part is a couple of them were organized by my dysfunctional and extremely abusive, right wing family.

with christmas not too far off, i'm reminded of all the things they have taken away from me over the decades, including nearly 23 years of my video game and psy art work. which was stored on various computer equipment, and that i would have loved to have shown you guys, but sadly most of that is lost or unusable.

the lesson i learned though, is to backup both offline, and online. so since i restarted my psy art project a couple of years ago, all the project files are relatively safe. no one can realistically take or delete them all again. and i have sent copies to trusted friends etc, in case i was ever hacked, or the online file storage sites went out of business. i don't believe the latter is likely to happen, i'm just not taking risks with data this important to me.

so, as tough as all this is, we are gradually laying down a few foundations that should make my life more secure in the future, i've just got to get through the next couple of months.

and if need be, i will take out a restraining order so my family finally let me live in peace.

my mental health workers have also recently found an antidepressant that i'm not allergic to the non active ingredients, like caseinates. so i should be able to start taking medication again, within the next few days, for the first time in years.

i'll periodically keep you guys updated, and i look forward to a time when we can mainly chat about positive things.


update oct 18: still no improvement with my internet connection after nearly a month, and real life becoming unbearable.

i seldom enjoy talking about my personal life, it's really depressing. i rarely find it cathartic. and i definitely don't like crying wolf either. but i'm at breaking point.

not because of anything online. instead, the horrendous amount of real life crap i've been suffering, some of which is straight out of a horror film. i actually like a lot of horror fiction, because i know it's not real. this stuff is real, and it's been ongoing for about 8 years in total. no one should have to live like this, it's inhumane.

tomorrow, at my request, my friend rabbit is going to try again to get me taken into hospital. previously they refused me because apparently i'm not ill enough, even though i was frequently considering suicide. but apparently because i can function on some high level it means i don't qualify.

i've lived through a severe breakdown before after being a victim of several crimes, a few years ago. and i've only just got to the stage where i can venture outside again. that's bad enough. but this awful apartment is killing me, and it's constantly 1 step forward and 2 steps back, regardless of how much i try to stay on top of things.


all i want from an average day, is to do my chores, work on the laptop, spend some time online, rest a little, eat, drink and maybe get some fresh air and a little exercise, then a few hours sleep. i don't expect to own a tv, or have other luxury items. i used to but that was before they were all taken away from me.

i don't think i'm asking too much out of life, and i'm aware this is "first world problems" and there are a lot of other people far worse off than myself. but when i can't even prepare food safely because of the living conditions i'm expected to simply endure, just because i'm poor and most people don't care about us. it really makes me question what is the point of carrying on? this isn't what i would call living, it's a fucking nightmare.

i do thankfully have some social workers now, who are trying hard to find me somewhere even half decent to live, but apparently that could take months, and i really don't think i can last that long with all my problems.


with all that being said, i'm likely to be offline for a while again. i want to return but i honestly don't know if i'll be well enough to.

update sep 22: my mofo isp capped me at 0.5 mbps even after restarting router.

i'm staying calm, but i might be offline until they reset my account again. in the meantime i'm going to be working on the next background model for the thelma and astra music videos.

update sep 17: still image renders, and my internet speed is ok at the moment.

my bandwidth isn't quite back to normal today, but it was just about fast enough for me to watch some youtube videos while i was rendering, so i'm less stressed than yesterday, yay for mindless escapism.

and i've just uploaded another still image from the thelma fractal manipulation series, here's the recent ones, in case anyone hasn't seen them:

217 by rattyredemption 215 by rattyredemption 214 by rattyredemption 213 by rattyredemption

update sep 16: my isp are being mofo's again.

i really don't enjoy bitching about this topic, but i work very hard and i can't even relax and watch videos on youtube, or even check my own online work when it's this slow.

and resetting our router hasn't improving the speed, nor is it any faster during off peak times like 3-4 am. so it's obvious they have altered our account settings again. sometimes they deny this, other times they admit it, and reset our speed to what our physical lines can handle, which isn't exactly fast to begin with... i'm so sick of this crap.


update sep 07: video editing, and beta testing.

regarding blender, i was very pleasantly surprised to find the ui bug i reported was fixed in the next dev build. and the newer builds seem relatively stable, so i've been able to edit the thelma and astra music videos with the rendered clips i have so far. i estimate i'll need a couple more clips per video, for them to be the entire length of the music tracks.

and luckily in between my isp reducing our connection to dial up 
speed a couple of times this week, i was able to upload the 3/4 finished music videos to my sta.sh pages, where some of my beta testers have watched them, and given positive feedback so far. as well as suggest i try a reasonably quick effect i was telling them about.

so we're definitely making progress and i'm feeling a lot calmer in general.

with that being said, i have no idea where i'm going to be living in a months time, as my lease on this horrible apparent is running out, and i can't afford to move anywhere else on my own, but i'm trying not to let all that distract me from working.

update sep 04: thankfully some good news.

one of the devs just told me that the latest issue i reported was unintentional, and they are working on fixing it soon. so kudos to them for taking this one seriously.

apparently they were attempting to fix another bug, which was preventing any collapse or expanding of the button panels in the interface.

as stressful as it can be at times, i actually do like that the devs are always trying to improve blender in one way or other, so it's never stagnating.

the inherent problem with blender is it's so vastly complex, that they rarely know what ripple effect one improvement might have on the rest of the code. hence why there has never been a single day, as far as i'm aware, in it's 19 year history, when it all worked smoothly and none of us beta testers reported issues, or bitched about anything, he he.


ratty's blender rant 937.

i'm slightly joking with the number of times i've ranted about blender over the years, but the following i'm very serious about...

yes, i know blender is free, but sometimes i regret the last ten years i have invested into using this buggy and unstable editor.

within the last week the developers either intentionally changed, or accidentally broke, the code that reads the custom windows layout information, that is saved into each project file.

that might not seem like a big issue to most users who just work with the default layouts, that come installed with blender. but i'm a so called power user, who has spent years tweaking the custom layouts to help increase my productivity.

and in my main psy art project file, i have 42 custom layouts. for when i'm either modeling, rigging, texturing, rendering, video editing etc.

now all those layouts are useless in the latest dev builds. and unless they fix this, myself and other power users will have to reorganize our work environments within blender, and save them with the latest builds, if we wish to use them in the future.

and how long will it be before the devs tweak the code again, and screw that up? and that's on top of the 100-200 bugs that are in the official bug tracker on any given day of the year.

ok rant over... i'm 
now going to go back to last weeks builds and try and finish off what i was meant to be working on.

update aug 31: video editing, and starting on another tunnel section.

sorry i don't have any new videos to show you guys just yet...

but i've decided the recent thelma fractal series is going to be used in my first published music video.

i've previously shown a few of my beta testers some older video editing tests, along with the intended trance music. and although those videos will eventually be finished, i need to improve some of the tech i used in them, so currently they are on hold.

i think i have enough thelma video clips for now, to edit together. which i'm about to start on today. i'm currently testing out the latest dev build of blender before i work on that, to make sure it's not too buggy.

if that goes well then this coming week i'm going to hopefully work on the last tunnel section i have planned for this music video. i'll also be using the tunnel with the astra fractals, which share the same meshes, rigs and cameras as the thelma ones. and i've almost finished choosing which music track to use with astra's video.

i'm aware there have been lots of set backs and delays since i restarted this project a couple of years ago, after having a break from working on psy art for a few years, however, we are getting close to two full length videos being released.

the intention is the 360p versions will be free to download, as with most of my archive here on da and over at youtube. and if the music producer is happy with the results, then we'll hopefully start selling the 720p premium download versions of the full length videos.


update aug 17: two new psy art videos.

here are the latest collaborations, in the thelma and astra fractal manipulation series:

 

they might not look very different from the previous videos, but i worked three and a half, 80 hour weeks, to develop the new tech for how i build and render these. and there is a new subtle distortion effect that makes them a little bit more interesting.

this tech will also save me rendering and video editing time in the future, so it was worth the investment i believe.

update aug 15: ratty is back online again.

hi guys, after a few weeks of dealing with various real life stresses, including preparing to possibly go into hospital in the near future, and me avoiding the internet in general, i'm back.

although it's only a matter of time before our isp reduce our pitiful 2 mb connection down to dialup speed, as they like to do every week or so, nowadays... if it's not obvious by now, i despise those corrupt and incompetent mofos.


and it's not just me that feels this way. lots of people in this city are being screwed by them. one local new restaurant businesses has been waiting over 4 months for even telephone lines to be installed, let alone internet. so they currently can only deal with cash, and have to turn away potential customers who only carry credit cards.

and we live in a so called first world country *ratty shakes head in disbelief*

but there is some good news... as the new psy animation in the thelma series is on it's last few hours of rendering, i hope it get it uploaded later tonight. if not, as soon as our isp will allow me to use the internet again.

update jul 21: even more bad news.

for nearly three years, my flatmate and i have lived in a horrible apartment building. which is depressing and stressful enough as it is. one of my only forms of escapism (since i don't drink, smoke etc, or even own a tv) is the internet. mainly deviantart, youtube and a couple of blender forums.

before we moved here our isp had told us our internet speed would be between 3.5 mb (megabits per second) and 4.5 mb.

the most we've ever had in this flat is 2.5 mb, likely due to the poor physical quality of our dsl (phone lines)

and that service has never been stable, we've lost count of the number of times we've complained to them to even provide 2 mb which apparently, by law, is the minimum isp's are meant to provide in england.


and we pay a lot of money each month for "unlimited access" which of course is a misnomer. since at the very least it's dependent on the max transfer rate the physical infrastructure can handle. and without them replacing the cables, there is nothing that can be done, so we endure it.

what is totally unacceptable is these mofo's also periodically artificially cap our max transfer rate, and have now set that cap to 0.3 mb some days, which results in most of the internet not functioning properly.

last night i tried to download a 10 minute video, since i couldn't watch it streamed (usually a stable 1.7 mb is required for standard 480p resolution videos on youtube) and it took nearly an hour.

i can't even watch my own 360p psy art videos here on da or youtube.

this morning my flatmate complained to them from her office at work, and they denied they cap their customer's speed. and said it was either our fault for resetting our router, or the phone lines were faulty. which is bs as some days recently we got just over 2 mb (at any time of the day or night) so it's not network congestion either.


i've reached the point where i'm so utterly pissed off with this lack of a reliable service, that i'm seriously considering giving up my dream of working online, and will possibly just focus on eventually selling the dvd of psy art music videos, if it ever gets finished.

in the meantime i think i'm going to completely give up on using the internet, until i've moved to a better area. my flatmate has already found somewhere for her to move to, in a few weeks time, which i fully support her decision to get out of this awful place.

 
update jul 13: uploads.

continuing with the thelma and astra fractal series, here's the first of the 3d tunnels i built to use their materials:

 

as i'm sure some of you will appreciate, when these various clips are eventually edited together they are going to form quite a powerful digital trip, he he.

update jun 29: uploads.

over the weekend i've uploaded two more collaboration videos, in the thelma and astra fractal series. both start off looking like the older 2d videos, but then slowly morph into being more 3d:

 

update jun 14: uploads.

a new collaboration, this time between myself and contemplexitus:

:iconcontemplexitus:
 

here's his original manipulated still image:

fav.me/d7b0euw

update jun 02: very good news.

i spent the last few days talking to as many of the da film members as i could find, and after some debating with the da support staff, who were reluctant to admit there was a processing fault their end, we've finally made progress with them this evening. and they have apparently reported the issue to their "devious technology department" so it seems those guys are now taking care of it, yay.

i've been told in the past that da rarely fix things if only one or two users report issues with the site, but since they've had about 15-20 of us now report this over a short period of time, i guess that was just enough to motivate them to get off their arses.


and if this ever happens again in the future, we can refer back to the loss of service which started on the 27th may 2014 and point out to them that this could of been cleared up sooner, if they actually took us seriously, and not treat us like a group of idiots who don't know how to upload videos.

anyway, i personally can relax now and concentrate on creating more content for you guys. so well done to everyone who reported the processing bug, a lot of people are going to benefit from us working together.

update may 30: potentially very bad news.

the previous (admittedly minor) bug i was experiencing with da's video player, was apparently only affecting my computer, so da can't, or won't, fix that one.

if da don't fix the new (major) video processing bug i'm experiencing, or we can't find a work around, then this latest technical hurdle could be the end of me uploading new videos to this site.

i'm finding it increasingly difficult to remain optimistic. i have spent all day trying everything i could think of my end, including using the archaic internet explorer browser, and nothing is getting my videos to process on da. not even ones that previously worked a couple of weeks ago.

although the same files are working with youtube (but they ruin the compression quality during their processing stage) and no one else has confirmed this is happening to them here on da, as far as i'm aware. so it again seems unlikely da will do anything about this.


edit: i also tried uploading someone else's short, low bitrate video to my sta.sh and that also got stuck in processing. so this confirms my suspicion that it is not my files or encoding settings at fault. and i also don't believe it's my internet connection causing the problems.

may 16: question regarding full screen playback of da videos.

the da tech support staff and i are trying to track down a bug i've been experiencing, where the control bar does not disappear in full screen, even when the right click popup menu option has been chosen to hide it.

does anyone reading this have the same issue?

if so, could you please reply to this journal below, as the more people who can confirm this bug, the more likely it will get fixed, and according to da, so far i'm the only user who has reported this.


i'm using the latest official releases of chrome and flash on a windows 7 laptop, and all other video streaming sites like youtube are functioning correctly in this way.

update may 15: uploads.

i just finished my first collaboration with astra888leddher.



update apr 28: ratty returned from break.

yes, ratty has returned, yay.

and thank you again to my well wishers, while i was gone. and to everyone here who enjoys watching my work... although i didn't feel up to talking much, it did help knowing there was an incentive to keep pushing myself through the real life turmoils, that i've been dealing with the last few years. and i'm now determined to stay active on da, for as long as i can... plus during my break i did learn to use another animation editor, see below:


i'm currently finishing off a 2d morphing test with some of thelma's still fractal renders, which i hope to upload later today if all goes well. it uses similar tech to the fan art facial morph i uploaded last night.



update apr 1: bad news.

please note: this journal entry might appear to simply be an april fools joke, unfortunately it definitely is not...

i normally try to compartmentalize these things. however, currently my overwhelming amount of real life problems are seriously preventing me from focusing on being as creative as i would ideally like. and it's depressing me too much to visit da without being able to upload new content on a regular basis. so until further notice, i'm sorry to say, i'll be gone for a while.

to all my dear friends and followers here, i would like to thank you once again for all the support you have kindly given me over the last couple of years.


my life has never been easy, and you guys and girls have helped me more than some of you could possibly be aware of. i will always be grateful for that.

and equally sincerely... i'm not actually asking for any sympathy here, and i do not wish to discuss my problems in detail, so there is no need to post any comments regarding this update. just keep making and appreciating each others art, and welcome me back if i return in the future.

update mar 18: editing apps, and a new collaboration starts.

recently i've been researching into some legally free image editors and a 2d morphing editor, as i wanted a little more variety in my work and the tools i use, and i currently can not afford commercial apps.

it's been time consuming, and somewhat tiring, but the results are turning out well.

and another fractal artist has agreed to collaborate with me, alongside morphapoph.

hope to show you guys soon what we've been working on.


update feb 15: uploads.

here is a link to the fractal material version of the previous animation. hope you guys enjoy it. this latest video has taken me about 6 months, mainly working on the new rigs and materials. and i still haven't found time to actually animate the fractals. that's next on my to do list, he he.


update feb 05: uploads.

we're still having some issues with our internet here but at at least it's stable, most of the time, and i can finally upload animations again, yay.

i've recently uploaded the following test video:


it only uses blender's basic opengl lighting, but mainly features my new rigs for the little alien jelly creatures, which i've been told are a significant improvement over the last rigs i built. so it was worth all the research and development i invested into them. and hopefully will allow me to animate more interesting and believable creatures in the future. they still look very stylized which i don't mind, as i'm not exactly aiming for photo realism, he he.

anyway, i'm currently working on the fractal based materials for the above, so i better get back to that if i want to show you guys any time soon.

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:iconjakeukalane:
Jakeukalane Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
hope the things go better.
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:iconrattyredemption:
rattyredemption Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2014
thanks jake.
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:iconpoca2hontas:
poca2hontas Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
thanks so much for the fave & support :heart:
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:iconrattyredemption:
rattyredemption Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2014
you're welcome.
Reply
:iconchasmandala:
ChasMandala Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Hello Ratty - I just stopped by to say "hello" and wish you the best of luck for a smooth transition to the new apartment - I've been there before many times. Take care and thanks for the faves! :handshake:
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:iconrattyredemption:
rattyredemption Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2014
thanks very much chas.

unfortunately, i still don't know where i'm going to be living in a few weeks time, or how i'm going to afford it. since i'm really poor and our right wing government hasn't been much help with financial aid to date.

but i do have a couple of social workers now, who have kindly offered to help me. so that's a positive. although time is running out on where i currently live, and it's not a comfortable situation to be in, as i'm sure you can understand.

and regarding the faves, you're very welcome my friend.
Reply
:iconchasmandala:
ChasMandala Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're very welcome Sir. I'm sorry to hear about your predicament - but I am happy to hear that at least you have two decent people willing to help you out. Good people don't deserve to be in bad situations.
I hope things get better for you soon my friend. :manhug:
Reply
:iconrattyredemption:
rattyredemption Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2014
sincerely thanks chas. and if it wasn't for those few caring people offering to help me, i would have probably ended up being homeless in the near future.

i honestly don't think i could cope with that level of deprivation. where i currently live doesn't even have a fully working washing machine or shower, let alone luxuries like a tv or music center, and those things are depressing enough.

these landlords don't give a crap about us tenants or the condition of the building, despite us always paying our rent on time for the 3 years that rabbit and i lived here together.

she's recently managed to find somewhere small but decent to live. so at least she's settled.

i don't even know if the next place i live will have any internet. but as long as i can charge my laptop, then i will continue to work on my psy art.

especially as that is the main thing that keeps me going through this hardship. that and seeing other people's creative outlets, and interacting with people such as yourself online. 
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(1 Reply)
:icontheory-of-existence:
Theory-Of-Existence Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Hi ratty, I am really really sorry I haven't spoken in a while. No, I disagree!   My school work has been taking up all of my free time and its even been preventing me from checking out deviantart.  To answer your question from earlier, yes i still wish to be working with you, but I don't know when I will have the most time.
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:iconrattyredemption:
rattyredemption Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2014
hi theory, understood and cool. i too have had a ton of distractions recently, including preparing to move apartments in the next few weeks. so no rush with us working together, we'll just do so when things have settled down for both of us.
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:iconcriogenreptyle:
CriogenReptyle Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:iconthanksforfaving: 
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:iconrattyredemption:
rattyredemption Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2014
you're welcome.
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:iconmrz00m:
Mrz00m Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
anim test is waaay mental. i cant find the blurb for it, what program is it? i spend my days coding graphics:D
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:iconrattyredemption:
rattyredemption Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2014
he he thanks, and that one featured on my profile page was done in apophysis and blender. a friend of mine called morphapoph rendered the still fractal, which i then created the swirly multicolored pattern around it in blender, then used that as a material for my 3d objects.

cool, what graphics app do you work with?
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